Tune Your Ears (and Eyes)
How would you rank your listening skills on a scale of 1-5? For me personally, in full authentic transparency, it just depends.
For instance, I can remember a time in high school when my boyfriend mentioned that he would love a cassette tape of his favorite band, Aerosmith. Even then, I wasn’t hip on the trendiest of things so when I was able to make it to the record store in the biggest nearby town, I purchased what I thought he requested. Little did I realize that Aerosmith and Air Supply are distinctly different bands!
Fortunately, I’ve gotten better by practicing focused intention, a lot of hard work and opportune lessons learned such as these along the way…
Through self-awareness, I now know that there are times/situations/people with whom I struggle to remain all in with our conversations.
Here are some examples:
My husband loves “story time with Uncle Daran”. His style engages his Context Strength as he reflects far back into history to answer your questions. He is quite entertaining. My challenge is that my Input Strength is like a snorkeler to his scuba diver. Therefore, we have learned a communication shorthand such that (metaphorically) when I asked him the time, I remind him that I don’t want to know how to manufacture the watch.
Webinars typically have been another area of challenge to hold my attention. That is why I am selective to only register for ones with short, succinct topics that are relevant to my business and personal interests, or those which pique my curiosity.
And speaking of curiosity, famed Hollywood producer, Brian Grazer, who authored both “A Curious Mind: The Secret to a Bigger Life” and the newly released “Face to Face: The Art ofHuman Connection”, tells us that to be better listeners, we must become more at ease at looking others in the eyes with genuine interest since this demonstrates that you are present with and for them.
He states that engaged eye contact signals that they matter and ultimately that you see them. Grazer deducts that eye contact may be “the ultimate differentiator” as it goes against today’s modern impulse for quick, transactional communication. However, always remember that there is a fine line between great eye contact and being weird. Studies have shown that you should hold your gaze for seven to ten seconds if in a one-on-one conversation, or three to five seconds when in a group.
Finally, don’t forget about the LAER process that I mentioned in a previous post this summer. (Visit: Your Access to Your Best Responses) I’ve incorporated LAER into my conversations to remain engaged. Additionally, it’s an excellent strategy to implement if you are challenged with quick thinking responses as it buys you some time to devise the appropriate answer to the question being asked. Would you like to better at your listening and curiosity skills? Then contact me at dlandry@authentizity.com.
NOTE: For more details, please refer to Authentizity’s previous blog post “Curiosity didn’t kill this cat” here!
